Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The Advent of Excellence: My opinion why everyone needs a Kamina in their li...
The Advent of Excellence: My opinion why everyone needs a Kamina in their li...: "I watched Tegen Toppa Gurren Lagann a few months ago. It involves the story of Simon The Digger and his big bro Kamina. Simon had a crap ass..."
My opinion why everyone needs a Kamina in their life.
I watched Tegen Toppa Gurren Lagann a few months ago. It involves the story of Simon The Digger and his big bro Kamina. Simon had a crap ass self esteem, but Kamina always slapped, sometimes punched him out of that funk and let him know that believes in Simon. But Kamina showed Simon most importantly, Simon should believe in himself.
The world would be 100% better if we all had a Kamina in their life. Someone to cheer for us and let us know that we have worth. Someone who will never let us dwell in negativity. Someone who will assist us in piercing the heavens
I've had a few Kaminas in my life recently, and armies of anti spirals. I've nearly went darkside many times in my life, but the Kaminas in my life believed in me, as I believed in them, and we helped each other believe in ourselves.
My greatest Kaminas are....
Shulamit Asher/Heroic Muse : A stern hardcase of a friend. All business. But is still very caring. Muse would never let me beat myself up in hir's presence. Since Muse is a aspie like myself, hir has a good idea of my issues since muse has experienced them and conquered them. Muse also refused totally to listen to me whine. At first I thought Muse was being mean and gotten tired of me, but I realized that Muse was just trying to keep me from beating myself up and turning into a mass of negativity. All in all, Muse fulfills that Big bro/Mentor role nicely
Ask A Bisexual Guy: Represents the totally awesome/cheerleader roll. Hell, he's like a Kamina that swings both ways. He has always pushed me to do better and reach for the sun. No one knows bi guy's identity, he's more of a ideal and a aspect than a person, like Kamina. Only that Kamina does not swing both ways, and I totally wish that he did.
Hadassah D.G. Chayim: Generally ultra kind person who I may or may not have a crush on. Gavi represents that positive aura that everyone needs in their life. Talking to Gavi makes everyone feel a bit better or a whole lot better. She's just a extremely likable person that is like a ray of sunshine in anyone's cloudy day. She often reminds me that the journey of life isn't a race and that it's not a competition.
Zoe Kincaid: Has a mix of Kamina traits. Blunt as a brick to the face, and snarky. But she's a diehard friend who gives much needed support. She's like that sister that I wish I had but never will.
There are more, but I have to keep it short. Otherwise I'll be writing all day
Beware the spark of the sage's light, for we are gifted with nature's sight. Beware our will and mental might, for we will fight to the end for what is right
The world would be 100% better if we all had a Kamina in their life. Someone to cheer for us and let us know that we have worth. Someone who will never let us dwell in negativity. Someone who will assist us in piercing the heavens
I've had a few Kaminas in my life recently, and armies of anti spirals. I've nearly went darkside many times in my life, but the Kaminas in my life believed in me, as I believed in them, and we helped each other believe in ourselves.
My greatest Kaminas are....
Shulamit Asher/Heroic Muse : A stern hardcase of a friend. All business. But is still very caring. Muse would never let me beat myself up in hir's presence. Since Muse is a aspie like myself, hir has a good idea of my issues since muse has experienced them and conquered them. Muse also refused totally to listen to me whine. At first I thought Muse was being mean and gotten tired of me, but I realized that Muse was just trying to keep me from beating myself up and turning into a mass of negativity. All in all, Muse fulfills that Big bro/Mentor role nicely
Ask A Bisexual Guy: Represents the totally awesome/cheerleader roll. Hell, he's like a Kamina that swings both ways. He has always pushed me to do better and reach for the sun. No one knows bi guy's identity, he's more of a ideal and a aspect than a person, like Kamina. Only that Kamina does not swing both ways, and I totally wish that he did.
Hadassah D.G. Chayim: Generally ultra kind person who I may or may not have a crush on. Gavi represents that positive aura that everyone needs in their life. Talking to Gavi makes everyone feel a bit better or a whole lot better. She's just a extremely likable person that is like a ray of sunshine in anyone's cloudy day. She often reminds me that the journey of life isn't a race and that it's not a competition.
Zoe Kincaid: Has a mix of Kamina traits. Blunt as a brick to the face, and snarky. But she's a diehard friend who gives much needed support. She's like that sister that I wish I had but never will.
There are more, but I have to keep it short. Otherwise I'll be writing all day
Beware the spark of the sage's light, for we are gifted with nature's sight. Beware our will and mental might, for we will fight to the end for what is right
Thursday, July 14, 2011
The Advent of Powerful Emotions
Now that my life has calmed down and became peaceful, I have time to process my emotions. How I feel as a woman, the various emotions I feel from everyday life. Being on hormones will cause these emotions to flow more often and freely.
This isn't a bad thing tho. I spent my entire life holding in my emotions because they were not "acceptable". Now I can be myself. Express myself in any manner I feel I need to. This is one thing that all people need. Deep introspection and soul searching, so they can find the true self.
I have become less angry. My anger has taken a backseat to my love for people and my compassion. I love all life, even the people I cannot stomach. I love showing kindness and I love not giving in to negativity anymore
My emotional attachments have grown more powerful. There are some people I can say without a doubt, that I love. I care for them deeply and I will destroy any who hurt them. I care for them deeply and I consider them all family. Some of them I have romantic attachments to but I will not pursue it. If it happens, it will and if it doesn't then it's not meant to be. And I still love them like a family member either way.
I also want more, but not how I wanted more before. I want to explore and evolve. I want to become a child of the earth and become one with the entire earth. Learn how to love the whole world with my all. I feel for the first time in life that I am capable of loving the world and helping people without fail
Above all, all these emotions are positive and wholesome.
This isn't a bad thing tho. I spent my entire life holding in my emotions because they were not "acceptable". Now I can be myself. Express myself in any manner I feel I need to. This is one thing that all people need. Deep introspection and soul searching, so they can find the true self.
I have become less angry. My anger has taken a backseat to my love for people and my compassion. I love all life, even the people I cannot stomach. I love showing kindness and I love not giving in to negativity anymore
My emotional attachments have grown more powerful. There are some people I can say without a doubt, that I love. I care for them deeply and I will destroy any who hurt them. I care for them deeply and I consider them all family. Some of them I have romantic attachments to but I will not pursue it. If it happens, it will and if it doesn't then it's not meant to be. And I still love them like a family member either way.
I also want more, but not how I wanted more before. I want to explore and evolve. I want to become a child of the earth and become one with the entire earth. Learn how to love the whole world with my all. I feel for the first time in life that I am capable of loving the world and helping people without fail
Above all, all these emotions are positive and wholesome.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
The Indigo Sage: The Closet Is Death
The Indigo Sage: The Closet Is Death: "My life was full of hesitation, ever since that fateful revelation. My existence was rife with misery and sorrow, the truth of my sexuality ..."
The Advent of Excellence: Freedom of Solitude
The Advent of Excellence: Freedom of Solitude: "A short while ago, I was morbidly afraid of being alone. In constant fear of being assaulted or robbed, scared of being alone. But since I..."
Freedom of Solitude
A short while ago, I was morbidly afraid of being alone. In constant fear of being assaulted or robbed, scared of being alone. But since I've been living in Baltimore, I have had a spark of freedom of solitude in my soul. I walk in the hoods and the ghettos with my head held high and not a worry in the world, because I am confident in my abilities and my capacity to survive.
People are puzzled at how easily I head out on my own and walk through a terrible neighborhood while holding hands and making out with a guy, they admire it and admit that they underestimate me. The truth is that I have been underestimating myself. I am much more capable than I have myself credit for.
I now know that I do not need people as badly as I once thought. I am not as weak as I once believed. In fact, I am much stronger than the people I previously thought superior to myself. I can survive anything and I can do anything I put my mind to.
This freedom is refreshing indeed.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Baltimore Pride was Fucking Glorious!!!
The night started with me getting ready to head out to the Pride Block party. I was hesitant at first, thinking about all that could go wrong. But I had a few mixed drinks before I left home. My friend braided my hair so I would look neat while enjoying pride. I took a shower before I left and cleaned up, The drink I had caught up with me and I vomited, I was told I vomited blood, but I don't remember lol.
So I head to the bus stop and I miss the bus I needed to catch, so I had to wait for the next bus. A bus that was very late. I finially catch the bus and I ended up sitting next to some cute guy who happened to be a Towson Student. Me and him chatted and exchanged numbers. I got off the bus and I was depressed when I found out that I got there too late.
A guy asked me what was wrong. I told him that I was trying to attend my first pride and was angry that I missed it. The guy told me that pride has just begun, to go out and be free and finally be myself. So I walk into the crowds and see pride for myself. LGBT people of all shapes, sizes and colors are in the crowds. People who came from across the country to see baltimore pride.
I see people going into a nearby club and I follow suit. I experience my first gay bar. It was fucking glorious! Hot guys and girls enjoying themselves and being themselves, without worry from hatred. It was very liberating. Two older guys approach me because they could see how green I was. The tall black one buys me a rum and coke and we begin talking. I find out the black guy was from New Orleans and left Louisiana years ago for the same reason I left.
He and his partner leave to go on the stage to sing Karaoke. I sit in the corner and enjoy the show and sing since I have a bit of drink in me. I am then joined by four young guys, one in particular that has caught my eye. We start talking and he takes his shirt off and leans closer while talking. I then copped a couple of feels, the dude was fucking hot as hell. Gods he had a really nice ass, a nice smooth chest and a cute face.
So after some minutes of singing, groping and dry humping we go our seperate ways. I then head back to the entrance when another older gentleman starts chatting me up. He asks me if this was my first pride and finds it hard to believe that I never been to a club before. He leans in and kisses me, My first time kissing a dude. I actually enjoyed it.
I then continue outside, and meet a older transwoman. I flirt with her hardcore with my newfound self esteem and confidence. We talk, we flirted, exchanged kisses, grinded on each other and had a fun time. She gave me her number and I gave her mind. While we are talking, a very drunken straight girl starts to talk to us. We chat with her and she asks us questions about LGBT stuff and trans stuff specifically.
After some charming dialogue, me and the older lady seperate and I go back into the club with the straight girl. She and I.......got to know each other better. I stuck with her to make sure no one took advantage of her. She buys me a couple of drinks even tho I asked her not to. We go and sit down and talk about stuff. I find out she's part of a group from Virgina and New York. She asks me to dance with her and we go to the Karaoke room, we start slow dancing and singing to each other. Having a great time.
A romantic song came up and she leaned in and kissed me deeply, we locked lips and french kissed for three or four songs. We then sit back down and she started to get depressed. I consoled her as she told me she wrecked her father's car and had a boyfriend back at home. I talked her through the depression and agreed to just be friends from then on.
To be continued
So I head to the bus stop and I miss the bus I needed to catch, so I had to wait for the next bus. A bus that was very late. I finially catch the bus and I ended up sitting next to some cute guy who happened to be a Towson Student. Me and him chatted and exchanged numbers. I got off the bus and I was depressed when I found out that I got there too late.
A guy asked me what was wrong. I told him that I was trying to attend my first pride and was angry that I missed it. The guy told me that pride has just begun, to go out and be free and finally be myself. So I walk into the crowds and see pride for myself. LGBT people of all shapes, sizes and colors are in the crowds. People who came from across the country to see baltimore pride.
I see people going into a nearby club and I follow suit. I experience my first gay bar. It was fucking glorious! Hot guys and girls enjoying themselves and being themselves, without worry from hatred. It was very liberating. Two older guys approach me because they could see how green I was. The tall black one buys me a rum and coke and we begin talking. I find out the black guy was from New Orleans and left Louisiana years ago for the same reason I left.
He and his partner leave to go on the stage to sing Karaoke. I sit in the corner and enjoy the show and sing since I have a bit of drink in me. I am then joined by four young guys, one in particular that has caught my eye. We start talking and he takes his shirt off and leans closer while talking. I then copped a couple of feels, the dude was fucking hot as hell. Gods he had a really nice ass, a nice smooth chest and a cute face.
So after some minutes of singing, groping and dry humping we go our seperate ways. I then head back to the entrance when another older gentleman starts chatting me up. He asks me if this was my first pride and finds it hard to believe that I never been to a club before. He leans in and kisses me, My first time kissing a dude. I actually enjoyed it.
I then continue outside, and meet a older transwoman. I flirt with her hardcore with my newfound self esteem and confidence. We talk, we flirted, exchanged kisses, grinded on each other and had a fun time. She gave me her number and I gave her mind. While we are talking, a very drunken straight girl starts to talk to us. We chat with her and she asks us questions about LGBT stuff and trans stuff specifically.
After some charming dialogue, me and the older lady seperate and I go back into the club with the straight girl. She and I.......got to know each other better. I stuck with her to make sure no one took advantage of her. She buys me a couple of drinks even tho I asked her not to. We go and sit down and talk about stuff. I find out she's part of a group from Virgina and New York. She asks me to dance with her and we go to the Karaoke room, we start slow dancing and singing to each other. Having a great time.
A romantic song came up and she leaned in and kissed me deeply, we locked lips and french kissed for three or four songs. We then sit back down and she started to get depressed. I consoled her as she told me she wrecked her father's car and had a boyfriend back at home. I talked her through the depression and agreed to just be friends from then on.
To be continued
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