Stay odd my friends

Arrogance/Truth: I am amazing. I may not be traditional in any regard, but my unorthodox existence is what makes me amazing.

I may not be skinny, but I can move like a fucking ninja.

I may not be the best at talking to people, but the words I speak have a great impact.

I may not be very assertive, but my resolve and my inability to quit is my greatest strength.

I may have some mental quirks, but all of the greatest minds in the world have them.

People may shun the freaks and the geeks, but the world's greatest are oddballs.

Everyone can sit there and fawn for their Brad Pitts and Angelina Jo Lee's.

But that nerd with the funny accent and the goofy haircut will shake the world

People, it's time to leave the average and rise up to the exceptional. No need to conform to society's pitifully lacking standard's of excellence.

Nowadays, a woman only need to look attractive to be considered excellent. Cleopatra was beautiful, considered one of the most beautiful, but she didn't stop there. She parleyed with the most powerful men of her time as a woman. Her being hot is nothing compared to her excellence.

To cut it short. People, stop being impressed by mediocrity. Being hot is mediocre, especially when anyone with enough money can have it. Excellence cannot be brought.
It must be earned. To rise beyond the society's standards and set new ones.

It will be the nerd and not the jock or the homecoming queen that will bring forth the Advent of Excellence. Stay odd my friends.

The Advent of Excellence: Temptation of the Dark Side

The Advent of Excellence: Temptation of the Dark Side: So far in my life, I've been vilified for a assortment of reasons. And at the same time seen many people hurt others lionized. Criminals, d...

Temptation of the Dark Side

 So far in my life, I've been vilified for a assortment of reasons. And at the same time seen many people hurt others lionized. Criminals, drug dealers, really bad people. At first, I truly believed I was a bad person because people told me so, but now I see that I am a good person, it's just that a lot of people don't value good people.


Now I'm getting to the point where doing good causes me pain, like I am being punished for it. Might be my imagination, but it's starting to feel like that doing bad things and being a bad person gains you acceptance and loved ones.

However false that acceptance and love may be.

So the question has presented itself to me multiple times. Do I cross over to what I see as the "Dark Side" to free myself from pain and gain the acceptance I've chased after since I was a child? The question is a very difficult one. What these people who are loved by others do abhors me. I cannot comprehende not caring about people. The fact that humans can be so selfish and uncaring sickens me to the core. But the dilemma is that I am tired of being a outcast, and a shallow existence with false friends starts to look more enticing than standing up for what I believe in and suffering the entire time.

I know myself. I would never be happy living the lives of these people. I cannot stand to see people suffer. I cannot stand to see injustice, and I hate the fact that I am punished for fighting injustice and fighting for peace in this world. I love the world and hate how it is ran at the same time. And to be honest, I hate these people who attack the people who did good in this world. I see these humans as the same who shot Gandhi, MLK and other people who dared defy the world to make it better.

While these people inspire me, they also dishearten me as well. These powerful people who rose above the common person paid with their lives and lived a life full of conflict to stand up for what they believe in.

The second question I guess is:

Am I ready to fight to the bitter end for what I know is right?

The Advent of Excellence: Despair Event Horizon: And the Return To Excellenc...

The Advent of Excellence: Despair Event Horizon: And the Return To Excellenc...: I've been feeling pretty down lately. Things haven't being going right for me lately. Failures in friendships, romances and just general lac...

Despair Event Horizon: And the Return To Excellence

I've been feeling pretty down lately. Things haven't being going right for me lately. Failures in friendships, romances and just general lack of competence on my part. So I haven't been writing, because usually my feelings are amplified by my written word. Since these times, I've been very depressed and feeling like all is lost. It's a very dark place I was in. A Despair Event Horizon, a feeling that all hope is lost. The feeling that one has hit rock bottom and has broken through to continue to fall. But I fucking dug and and started climbing out of the hole!

But a friend of my I've spoken to who has felt the same did something great and has given me hope in the human race again. I've recently started to consider giving up the good fight and activism. It has began feeling like that people are doomed to fight among themselves and not care about others, that activists in large are just in the fight for glory and not fighting the good fight.

But this woman, who has been to darker depths than I, who has crossed the Despair Event Horizon more than once, who has been given up on, still thought about other during those dark times. She is a much more powerful woman than I and the tables have turned. I gave her hope and pulled her away from the horizon, now she has done the same for me. She has shown me that there is a spark of light in humanity still.

When someone is consumed by despair and still thinks about others and not themselves, they show a strength that surpasses those of titans. And this woman has done it and I love her for it.

The Advent of Excellence: Being Autistic and Dealing with Neurotypical peopl...

The Advent of Excellence: Being Autistic and Dealing with Neurotypical peopl...: I decided to write about my experiences with autism. So people can see through my eyes and hear through my ear with the words that I writ...

Being Autistic and Dealing with Neurotypical people who don't understand

I decided to write about  my experiences with autism. So people can see through my eyes and hear through my ear with the words that I write. I would like to notify in advance that I am not pointing any fingers at anyone.

A part of dealing with my condition is poor social skills. I do not have a innate understanding of socialization. It is a skill and not a innate ability. Being social to me is as mentally taxing as learning advanced mathematics or computer programming is to a neurotypical. And just as taxing to keep sharp and continue to do. Neurotypicals have the ability to adapt to social situations innately, like a skilled fighter innately reacts to attacks thrown at them. 

Why yes, that is the situation. No matter how much I practice being social, it will never become innate. I will never completly get it. I can learn and mimic it well enough, but as soon as a new situation arrives, I will be thrown back to square one. I completely lack the ability to read non verbal language and am unable to regulate my own with the grace and skill of the average neurotypical.  I have been told I am scowling or frowning, when in fact I am quite happy. My physical ability is very much hindered and crippled compared to the much more physically adept neurotypical.

I am clumsy, uncordinated, poor depth perception and a poor body awareness. Body awareness is one's innate ability to detect where one's body is in space. This combined with being clumsy and low muscle tone, causes many accidents and injuries. I have dislocated both shoulders at the same time when I tripped and fell while playing as a child. Many neurotypicals assume that I am doing this for attention. I do not like looking like a damn fool.

 Unwritten rules are another annoyance. I do not know these things often until someone is bitching at me about them. Like I said earlier. I cannot detect non-verbal language, even if I try hard to learn how to. If I by some miracle do discover a verbal que, I will not remember it all the time. It's a skill for me, not innate. This one gets me in the most trouble. By not having the ability to detect these things,  I often get into issues with people who think that I offend them intentionally. And they assume that I am a asshole and don't care about others or that I do it for shits and giggles.

When I do try to explain some of the mysteries of the autism spectrum, neurotypicals often assume that I'm mentally retarded. They tell me to become more neurotypical. Become more social. The irony is that while they tell me this, they exclude me from their social activities and then bitch at me some more for not being social. They tell me I'm not trying, while at the same time I am rebuked and scolded for trying to be social with them. Claims of being too clingy and too crowding are common.

I all too often get told by someone who is a "friend" or "family" that they don't need to deal with me. They can find someone as nice and kind as I am without the problems. I am not good enough of a human being for these people.

People often bitch at me for being mopey. I am mopey because it seems that neurotypical people are never happy with my behavior and they never understand. They claim to get it but they don't. I am depressed because it feels like the more people I'm around, the more alone I am. They do not understand how it is to be near a group of people who do not see you, they do not see how going out to socialize and never inviting you to come along with them would hurt. They do not see how them rebuking you for asking to hang out with them would hurt. They do not see how them telling you that you are a freak, retard, or mental reject would hurt. They do not see how badly they hurt you until you are hanging from a rope or inside a pine box.

This has been my life, my entire life. It's a repitition that I do not care to continue. I can manage my uniqe brain function, but I cannot become normal. This is normal to me. I can respect your boundries and be considerate to you. But if you require me to become normal, then you should find that version of me out there that isn't me.