Stay odd my friends

Arrogance/Truth: I am amazing. I may not be traditional in any regard, but my unorthodox existence is what makes me amazing.

I may not be skinny, but I can move like a fucking ninja.

I may not be the best at talking to people, but the words I speak have a great impact.

I may not be very assertive, but my resolve and my inability to quit is my greatest strength.

I may have some mental quirks, but all of the greatest minds in the world have them.

People may shun the freaks and the geeks, but the world's greatest are oddballs.

Everyone can sit there and fawn for their Brad Pitts and Angelina Jo Lee's.

But that nerd with the funny accent and the goofy haircut will shake the world

People, it's time to leave the average and rise up to the exceptional. No need to conform to society's pitifully lacking standard's of excellence.

Nowadays, a woman only need to look attractive to be considered excellent. Cleopatra was beautiful, considered one of the most beautiful, but she didn't stop there. She parleyed with the most powerful men of her time as a woman. Her being hot is nothing compared to her excellence.

To cut it short. People, stop being impressed by mediocrity. Being hot is mediocre, especially when anyone with enough money can have it. Excellence cannot be brought.
It must be earned. To rise beyond the society's standards and set new ones.

It will be the nerd and not the jock or the homecoming queen that will bring forth the Advent of Excellence. Stay odd my friends.

The Advent of Excellence: Temptation of the Dark Side

The Advent of Excellence: Temptation of the Dark Side: So far in my life, I've been vilified for a assortment of reasons. And at the same time seen many people hurt others lionized. Criminals, d...

Temptation of the Dark Side

 So far in my life, I've been vilified for a assortment of reasons. And at the same time seen many people hurt others lionized. Criminals, drug dealers, really bad people. At first, I truly believed I was a bad person because people told me so, but now I see that I am a good person, it's just that a lot of people don't value good people.


Now I'm getting to the point where doing good causes me pain, like I am being punished for it. Might be my imagination, but it's starting to feel like that doing bad things and being a bad person gains you acceptance and loved ones.

However false that acceptance and love may be.

So the question has presented itself to me multiple times. Do I cross over to what I see as the "Dark Side" to free myself from pain and gain the acceptance I've chased after since I was a child? The question is a very difficult one. What these people who are loved by others do abhors me. I cannot comprehende not caring about people. The fact that humans can be so selfish and uncaring sickens me to the core. But the dilemma is that I am tired of being a outcast, and a shallow existence with false friends starts to look more enticing than standing up for what I believe in and suffering the entire time.

I know myself. I would never be happy living the lives of these people. I cannot stand to see people suffer. I cannot stand to see injustice, and I hate the fact that I am punished for fighting injustice and fighting for peace in this world. I love the world and hate how it is ran at the same time. And to be honest, I hate these people who attack the people who did good in this world. I see these humans as the same who shot Gandhi, MLK and other people who dared defy the world to make it better.

While these people inspire me, they also dishearten me as well. These powerful people who rose above the common person paid with their lives and lived a life full of conflict to stand up for what they believe in.

The second question I guess is:

Am I ready to fight to the bitter end for what I know is right?

The Advent of Excellence: Despair Event Horizon: And the Return To Excellenc...

The Advent of Excellence: Despair Event Horizon: And the Return To Excellenc...: I've been feeling pretty down lately. Things haven't being going right for me lately. Failures in friendships, romances and just general lac...

Despair Event Horizon: And the Return To Excellence

I've been feeling pretty down lately. Things haven't being going right for me lately. Failures in friendships, romances and just general lack of competence on my part. So I haven't been writing, because usually my feelings are amplified by my written word. Since these times, I've been very depressed and feeling like all is lost. It's a very dark place I was in. A Despair Event Horizon, a feeling that all hope is lost. The feeling that one has hit rock bottom and has broken through to continue to fall. But I fucking dug and and started climbing out of the hole!

But a friend of my I've spoken to who has felt the same did something great and has given me hope in the human race again. I've recently started to consider giving up the good fight and activism. It has began feeling like that people are doomed to fight among themselves and not care about others, that activists in large are just in the fight for glory and not fighting the good fight.

But this woman, who has been to darker depths than I, who has crossed the Despair Event Horizon more than once, who has been given up on, still thought about other during those dark times. She is a much more powerful woman than I and the tables have turned. I gave her hope and pulled her away from the horizon, now she has done the same for me. She has shown me that there is a spark of light in humanity still.

When someone is consumed by despair and still thinks about others and not themselves, they show a strength that surpasses those of titans. And this woman has done it and I love her for it.

The Advent of Excellence: Being Autistic and Dealing with Neurotypical peopl...

The Advent of Excellence: Being Autistic and Dealing with Neurotypical peopl...: I decided to write about my experiences with autism. So people can see through my eyes and hear through my ear with the words that I writ...

Being Autistic and Dealing with Neurotypical people who don't understand

I decided to write about  my experiences with autism. So people can see through my eyes and hear through my ear with the words that I write. I would like to notify in advance that I am not pointing any fingers at anyone.

A part of dealing with my condition is poor social skills. I do not have a innate understanding of socialization. It is a skill and not a innate ability. Being social to me is as mentally taxing as learning advanced mathematics or computer programming is to a neurotypical. And just as taxing to keep sharp and continue to do. Neurotypicals have the ability to adapt to social situations innately, like a skilled fighter innately reacts to attacks thrown at them. 

Why yes, that is the situation. No matter how much I practice being social, it will never become innate. I will never completly get it. I can learn and mimic it well enough, but as soon as a new situation arrives, I will be thrown back to square one. I completely lack the ability to read non verbal language and am unable to regulate my own with the grace and skill of the average neurotypical.  I have been told I am scowling or frowning, when in fact I am quite happy. My physical ability is very much hindered and crippled compared to the much more physically adept neurotypical.

I am clumsy, uncordinated, poor depth perception and a poor body awareness. Body awareness is one's innate ability to detect where one's body is in space. This combined with being clumsy and low muscle tone, causes many accidents and injuries. I have dislocated both shoulders at the same time when I tripped and fell while playing as a child. Many neurotypicals assume that I am doing this for attention. I do not like looking like a damn fool.

 Unwritten rules are another annoyance. I do not know these things often until someone is bitching at me about them. Like I said earlier. I cannot detect non-verbal language, even if I try hard to learn how to. If I by some miracle do discover a verbal que, I will not remember it all the time. It's a skill for me, not innate. This one gets me in the most trouble. By not having the ability to detect these things,  I often get into issues with people who think that I offend them intentionally. And they assume that I am a asshole and don't care about others or that I do it for shits and giggles.

When I do try to explain some of the mysteries of the autism spectrum, neurotypicals often assume that I'm mentally retarded. They tell me to become more neurotypical. Become more social. The irony is that while they tell me this, they exclude me from their social activities and then bitch at me some more for not being social. They tell me I'm not trying, while at the same time I am rebuked and scolded for trying to be social with them. Claims of being too clingy and too crowding are common.

I all too often get told by someone who is a "friend" or "family" that they don't need to deal with me. They can find someone as nice and kind as I am without the problems. I am not good enough of a human being for these people.

People often bitch at me for being mopey. I am mopey because it seems that neurotypical people are never happy with my behavior and they never understand. They claim to get it but they don't. I am depressed because it feels like the more people I'm around, the more alone I am. They do not understand how it is to be near a group of people who do not see you, they do not see how going out to socialize and never inviting you to come along with them would hurt. They do not see how them rebuking you for asking to hang out with them would hurt. They do not see how them telling you that you are a freak, retard, or mental reject would hurt. They do not see how badly they hurt you until you are hanging from a rope or inside a pine box.

This has been my life, my entire life. It's a repitition that I do not care to continue. I can manage my uniqe brain function, but I cannot become normal. This is normal to me. I can respect your boundries and be considerate to you. But if you require me to become normal, then you should find that version of me out there that isn't me.

The Advent of Excellence: LGBT Parents

The Advent of Excellence: LGBT Parents: When a LGBT person proclaims that LGBT people cannot be good parents because their kids would be ridiculed because of their parents. I see...

LGBT Parents

When a LGBT person proclaims that LGBT people cannot be good parents because their kids would be ridiculed because of their parents. I seethe with anger.

I used to be that fucking moron.

Change has to start somewhere. This kind of dismissive attitude is harming more than helping. Kids are cruel, evil little bastards. And guess what! Kids will always find a way to be cruel. If it isn't gay parents, it's clothes. If it isn't clothes, it's religion. If it isn't religion, it's economic status. If it isn't that, it's something else. Kids will always be cruel, and children need to be taught to stand up and be themselves, or else be crushed by angry, ignorant, bitter people. Fuck that shit.

My kids will be strong and they will be brilliant. Not puppets of ignorant society

The Advent of Excellence: My opinion why everyone needs a Kamina in their li...

The Advent of Excellence: My opinion why everyone needs a Kamina in their li...: "I watched Tegen Toppa Gurren Lagann a few months ago. It involves the story of Simon The Digger and his big bro Kamina. Simon had a crap ass..."

My opinion why everyone needs a Kamina in their life.

I watched Tegen Toppa Gurren Lagann a few months ago. It involves the story of Simon The Digger and his big bro Kamina. Simon had a crap ass self esteem, but Kamina always slapped, sometimes punched him out of that funk and let him know that believes in Simon. But Kamina showed Simon most importantly, Simon should believe in himself.

The world would be 100% better if we all had a Kamina in their life. Someone to cheer for us and let us know that we have worth. Someone who will never let us dwell in negativity. Someone who will assist us in piercing the heavens

I've had a few Kaminas in my life recently, and armies of anti spirals. I've nearly went darkside many times in my life, but the Kaminas in my life believed in me, as I believed in them, and we helped each other believe in ourselves.

My greatest Kaminas are....

Shulamit Asher/Heroic Muse : A stern hardcase of a friend. All business. But is still very caring. Muse would never let me beat myself up in hir's presence. Since Muse is a aspie like myself, hir has a good idea of my issues since muse has experienced them and conquered them.  Muse also refused totally to listen to me whine. At first I thought Muse was being mean and gotten tired of me, but I realized that Muse was just trying to keep me from beating myself up and turning into a mass of negativity. All in all, Muse fulfills that Big bro/Mentor role nicely

Ask A Bisexual Guy: Represents the totally awesome/cheerleader roll. Hell, he's like a Kamina that swings both ways. He has always pushed me to do better and reach for the sun. No one knows bi guy's identity, he's more of a ideal and a aspect than a person, like Kamina. Only that Kamina does not swing both ways, and I totally wish that he did.

Hadassah D.G. Chayim: Generally ultra kind person who I may or may not have a crush on. Gavi represents that positive aura that everyone needs in their life. Talking to Gavi makes everyone feel a bit better or a whole lot better. She's just a extremely likable person that is like a ray of sunshine in anyone's cloudy day. She often reminds me that the journey of life isn't a race and that it's not a competition.

Zoe Kincaid: Has a mix of Kamina traits. Blunt as a brick to the face, and snarky. But she's a diehard friend who gives much needed support. She's like that sister that I wish I had but never will.

There are more, but I have to keep it short. Otherwise I'll be writing all day

Beware the spark of the sage's light, for we are gifted with nature's sight. Beware our will and mental might, for we will fight to the end for what is right

The Advent of Powerful Emotions

Now that my life has calmed down and became peaceful, I have time to process my emotions. How I feel as a woman, the various emotions I feel from everyday life. Being on hormones will cause these emotions to flow more often and freely.

This isn't a bad thing tho. I spent my entire life holding in my emotions because they were not "acceptable". Now I can be myself. Express myself in any manner I feel I need to. This is one thing that all people need. Deep introspection and soul searching, so they can find the true self.

I have become less angry. My anger has taken a backseat to my love for people and my compassion. I love all life, even the people I cannot stomach. I love showing kindness and I love not giving in to negativity anymore

My emotional attachments have grown more powerful. There are some people I can say without a doubt, that I love. I care for them deeply and I will destroy any who hurt them. I care for them deeply and I consider them all family. Some of them I have romantic attachments to but I will not pursue it. If it happens, it will and if it doesn't then it's not meant to be. And I still love them like a family member either way.


I also want more, but not how I wanted more before. I want to explore and evolve. I want to become a child of the earth and become one with the entire earth. Learn how to love the whole world with my all. I feel for the first time in life that I am capable of loving the world and helping people without fail


Above all, all these emotions are positive and wholesome.

The Indigo Sage: The Closet Is Death

The Indigo Sage: The Closet Is Death: "My life was full of hesitation, ever since that fateful revelation. My existence was rife with misery and sorrow, the truth of my sexuality ..."

The Advent of Excellence: Freedom of Solitude

The Advent of Excellence: Freedom of Solitude: "A short while ago, I was morbidly afraid of being alone. In constant fear of being assaulted or robbed, scared of being alone. But since I..."

Freedom of Solitude

A short while ago, I was morbidly afraid of being alone. In constant fear of being assaulted or robbed, scared of being alone. But since I've been living in Baltimore, I have had a spark of freedom of solitude in my soul. I walk in the hoods and the ghettos with my head held high and not a worry in the world, because I am confident in my abilities and my capacity to survive.

People are puzzled at how easily I head out on my own and walk through a terrible neighborhood while holding hands and making out with a guy, they admire it and admit that they underestimate me. The truth is that I have been underestimating myself. I am much more capable than I have myself credit for.

I now know that I do not need people as badly as I once thought.  I am not as weak as I once believed. In fact, I am much stronger than the people I previously thought superior to myself. I can survive anything and I can do anything I put my mind to. 

This freedom is refreshing indeed. 

Baltimore Pride was Fucking Glorious!!!

The night started with me getting ready to head out to the Pride Block party. I was hesitant at first, thinking about all that could go wrong. But I had a few mixed drinks before I left home. My friend braided my hair so I would look neat while enjoying pride. I took a shower before I left and cleaned up, The drink I had caught up with me and I vomited, I was told I vomited blood, but I don't remember lol.

So I head to the bus stop and I miss the bus I needed to catch, so I had to wait for the next bus. A bus that was very late. I finially catch the bus and I ended up sitting next to some cute guy who happened to be a Towson Student. Me and him chatted and exchanged numbers. I got off the bus and I was depressed when I found out that I got there too late.

A guy asked me what was wrong. I told him that I was trying to attend my first pride and was angry that I missed it. The guy told me that pride has just begun, to go out and be free and finally be myself. So I walk into the crowds and see pride for myself. LGBT people of all shapes, sizes and colors are in the crowds. People who came from across the country to see baltimore pride.

I see people going into a nearby club and I follow suit. I experience my first gay bar. It was fucking glorious! Hot guys and girls enjoying themselves and being themselves, without worry from hatred. It was very liberating. Two older guys approach me because they could see how green I was. The tall black one buys me a rum and coke and we begin talking. I find out the black guy was from New Orleans and left Louisiana years ago for the same reason I left.

He and his partner leave to go on the stage to sing Karaoke. I sit in the corner and enjoy the show and sing since I have a bit of drink in me. I am then joined by four young guys, one in particular that has caught my eye. We start talking and he takes his shirt off and leans closer while talking. I then copped a couple of feels, the dude was fucking hot as hell. Gods he had a really nice ass, a nice smooth chest and a cute face.

So after some minutes of singing, groping and dry humping we go our seperate ways. I then head back to the entrance when another older gentleman starts chatting me up. He asks me if this was my first pride and finds it hard to believe that I never been to a club before. He leans in and kisses me, My first time kissing a dude. I actually enjoyed it.

I then continue outside, and meet a older transwoman. I flirt with her hardcore with my newfound self esteem and confidence. We talk, we flirted, exchanged kisses, grinded on each other and had a fun time. She gave me her number and I gave her mind. While we are talking, a very drunken straight girl starts to talk to us. We chat with her and she asks us questions about LGBT stuff and trans stuff specifically. 

After some charming dialogue, me and the older lady seperate and I go back into the club with the straight girl. She and I.......got to know each other better. I stuck with her to make sure no one took advantage of her. She buys me a couple of drinks even tho I asked her not to. We go and sit down and talk about stuff. I find out she's part of a group from Virgina and New York. She asks me to dance with her and we go to the Karaoke room, we start slow dancing and singing to each other. Having a great time. 

A romantic song came up and she leaned in and kissed me deeply, we locked lips and french kissed for three or four songs. We then sit back down and she started to get depressed. I consoled her as she told me she wrecked her father's car and had a boyfriend back at home. I talked her through the depression and agreed to just be friends from then on. 

To be continued

 

The Advent of Excellence: "A closed mouth doesn't get fed"

The Advent of Excellence: "A closed mouth doesn't get fed": "The old folks said this, and they had a point. We all need to become vocal in our concerns for our country, our world. For too long we have ..."

"A closed mouth doesn't get fed"

The old folks said this, and they had a point. We all need to become vocal in our concerns for our country, our world. For too long we have stayed silent and let the ones in power walk on us. We need to make them accountable. We need to make them do what they were elected to do.

The police need to protect and serve. Thy must be held accountable for every victim they fail to protect, every victim they neglected to protect. Every person they made a victim. They need to protect us, not harm us. They are hear to fucking serve us, not make us live in fear of them.

The politicians need to made to serve the American people. Not just the ones that agree with them. The two party system should be torn asunder and rebuilt. The two party system is a farce. Two sides of the same twisted coin. Their corruption and crimes should not be tolerated. They should be made accountable for their actions!!

The people. Us. You should all care for your fellow human. Being selfish assholes will bite this country in it's collective ass. I tire of apathetic selfish assholes walk over the corspes of their neighbor to get head. I'm tired of losers not willing to work for what they want and pull people down. I tire of the assholes at the top always trying to keep other people down. 

We all deserve to see the mountaintop, not just you elite. We all deserved to prospher, not just the fat cats and theoligarchy.

No one deserves to starve. No one deserves to die from illness that could easily be prevented by people not being selfish assholes. No one deserved to be abandoned.

We all deserve to be free. Open your mouth people. Tell the world you won't take this bullshit. The governments need to know that if they continue being greedy, we will bite and snatch the fucking plate

The Advent of Excellence: Get the fuck off our planet, you fucking assholes

The Advent of Excellence: Get the fuck off our planet, you fucking assholes: "Everytime I look at the world at large. The chaos, the hatred, the stupidity, the suffering the greed and lust for power. I think wtf for? B..."

Get the fuck off our planet, you fucking assholes

Everytime I look at the world at large. The chaos, the hatred, the stupidity, the suffering the greed and lust for power. I think wtf for? Because people don't give a fuck. Well I have one thing to say to people who don't give a fuck. When it is you who need the help of your fellow human and no one gives a fuck about you, that means you did it to yourself you fucking asshole. You have been hoist by your own motherfucking petard you stupid asshole.

The world is fucked because people are fucked up selfish assholes who can't think of anyone but themselves. And only by giving a fuck will things change. But the rectal sapiens are too unevolved to understand this. 

The golden rule is golden for a reason. Don't fuck with me and I won't fuck with you. But the rectal sapien will fuck with someone and bitch and moan when karma puts a boot in their ass.

This unevoled chimp doesn't understand the simple meaning of cause and effect. You fuck over someone and more than likely, they will seek to return the favor, in fucking spades 

The rectal sapien is not human, it is a fucking parasite, a bottom feeder who cannot survive without feeding on the blood, sweat and tears of people who work for what they get. Less than a roach. A fruitfly is worth more to the world than you. You fucking disgrace.

Repent your predatory ways before karma gives you a swift kick in the nuts, you amoral jackass. Because people will notice one day "This guy is a total douche" and your game will be over. The reason people become assholes is to protect themsleves from assholes. A vicious cycle of bullshit and butthurt

So that makes a world full of coldblooded, selfish cutthorat assholes trying to shit on each other while dodging turds from other assholes, a planet full of preadators cannibalizing each other. You motherfuckers did it to yourselves and only you can change it, so stop being a selfish prick and do think about someone else for a change.

Stop benifiting from the suffering of others, you fucking asshole! You may think you are the top dog in a dog eats dog world. Motherfuckers need to learn one big fact about life.

There is always a bigger dog, and that bigger dog will eat you and shit you out. And if a bigger dog doesn't show up. The little dogs will grow tired of your bullshit and team up to take your arrogant ass out. 

To be equally as coldblooded and arrogant, if you don't give a fuck about your fellow human, then you shoud get the fuck off our planet you fucking asshole, you're stinking up the place