Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The Advent of Excellence: Temptation of the Dark Side
The Advent of Excellence: Temptation of the Dark Side: So far in my life, I've been vilified for a assortment of reasons. And at the same time seen many people hurt others lionized. Criminals, d...
Temptation of the Dark Side
So far in my life, I've been vilified for a assortment of reasons. And at the same time seen many people hurt others lionized. Criminals, drug dealers, really bad people. At first, I truly believed I was a bad person because people told me so, but now I see that I am a good person, it's just that a lot of people don't value good people.
Now I'm getting to the point where doing good causes me pain, like I am being punished for it. Might be my imagination, but it's starting to feel like that doing bad things and being a bad person gains you acceptance and loved ones.
However false that acceptance and love may be.
So the question has presented itself to me multiple times. Do I cross over to what I see as the "Dark Side" to free myself from pain and gain the acceptance I've chased after since I was a child? The question is a very difficult one. What these people who are loved by others do abhors me. I cannot comprehende not caring about people. The fact that humans can be so selfish and uncaring sickens me to the core. But the dilemma is that I am tired of being a outcast, and a shallow existence with false friends starts to look more enticing than standing up for what I believe in and suffering the entire time.
I know myself. I would never be happy living the lives of these people. I cannot stand to see people suffer. I cannot stand to see injustice, and I hate the fact that I am punished for fighting injustice and fighting for peace in this world. I love the world and hate how it is ran at the same time. And to be honest, I hate these people who attack the people who did good in this world. I see these humans as the same who shot Gandhi, MLK and other people who dared defy the world to make it better.
While these people inspire me, they also dishearten me as well. These powerful people who rose above the common person paid with their lives and lived a life full of conflict to stand up for what they believe in.
The second question I guess is:
Am I ready to fight to the bitter end for what I know is right?
Now I'm getting to the point where doing good causes me pain, like I am being punished for it. Might be my imagination, but it's starting to feel like that doing bad things and being a bad person gains you acceptance and loved ones.
However false that acceptance and love may be.
So the question has presented itself to me multiple times. Do I cross over to what I see as the "Dark Side" to free myself from pain and gain the acceptance I've chased after since I was a child? The question is a very difficult one. What these people who are loved by others do abhors me. I cannot comprehende not caring about people. The fact that humans can be so selfish and uncaring sickens me to the core. But the dilemma is that I am tired of being a outcast, and a shallow existence with false friends starts to look more enticing than standing up for what I believe in and suffering the entire time.
I know myself. I would never be happy living the lives of these people. I cannot stand to see people suffer. I cannot stand to see injustice, and I hate the fact that I am punished for fighting injustice and fighting for peace in this world. I love the world and hate how it is ran at the same time. And to be honest, I hate these people who attack the people who did good in this world. I see these humans as the same who shot Gandhi, MLK and other people who dared defy the world to make it better.
While these people inspire me, they also dishearten me as well. These powerful people who rose above the common person paid with their lives and lived a life full of conflict to stand up for what they believe in.
The second question I guess is:
Am I ready to fight to the bitter end for what I know is right?
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
The Advent of Excellence: Despair Event Horizon: And the Return To Excellenc...
The Advent of Excellence: Despair Event Horizon: And the Return To Excellenc...: I've been feeling pretty down lately. Things haven't being going right for me lately. Failures in friendships, romances and just general lac...
Despair Event Horizon: And the Return To Excellence
I've been feeling pretty down lately. Things haven't being going right for me lately. Failures in friendships, romances and just general lack of competence on my part. So I haven't been writing, because usually my feelings are amplified by my written word. Since these times, I've been very depressed and feeling like all is lost. It's a very dark place I was in. A Despair Event Horizon, a feeling that all hope is lost. The feeling that one has hit rock bottom and has broken through to continue to fall. But I fucking dug and and started climbing out of the hole!
But a friend of my I've spoken to who has felt the same did something great and has given me hope in the human race again. I've recently started to consider giving up the good fight and activism. It has began feeling like that people are doomed to fight among themselves and not care about others, that activists in large are just in the fight for glory and not fighting the good fight.
But this woman, who has been to darker depths than I, who has crossed the Despair Event Horizon more than once, who has been given up on, still thought about other during those dark times. She is a much more powerful woman than I and the tables have turned. I gave her hope and pulled her away from the horizon, now she has done the same for me. She has shown me that there is a spark of light in humanity still.
When someone is consumed by despair and still thinks about others and not themselves, they show a strength that surpasses those of titans. And this woman has done it and I love her for it.
But a friend of my I've spoken to who has felt the same did something great and has given me hope in the human race again. I've recently started to consider giving up the good fight and activism. It has began feeling like that people are doomed to fight among themselves and not care about others, that activists in large are just in the fight for glory and not fighting the good fight.
But this woman, who has been to darker depths than I, who has crossed the Despair Event Horizon more than once, who has been given up on, still thought about other during those dark times. She is a much more powerful woman than I and the tables have turned. I gave her hope and pulled her away from the horizon, now she has done the same for me. She has shown me that there is a spark of light in humanity still.
When someone is consumed by despair and still thinks about others and not themselves, they show a strength that surpasses those of titans. And this woman has done it and I love her for it.
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